We have arrived!

Ok so "arriving" is probably not the right word for what we have done but after 5 months of not having internet at home, Josh and I finally broke down and got it. I'm totally excited, not only because now I can keep in touch with friends and family with more ease but I can also look at FOOD NETWORK and other cooking sites whenever I dang well please. no planning a trip to the library or clubhouse. YAY!!! I'm stoked if you can't tell. Boundaries will need to be put in pace though b.c I could easily spend HOURS here if I wanted. Not here as in blogger but here as in the world wide web.

12 yrs old.

So there is an ongoing thing in our house that when someone (Josh) is being annoying, they get called out on their momenrary, immature middle school antics. Anyway, the other day he was just being dumb at a resturaunt. Not truly dumb but silly dumb, trying to make me laugh. I said "if our kids grow up to be like you they will never make it past the age of twelve.... because you never did. " OHHHHH SNAP!!!!
Josh loved this and gave me mad props. Probably internal high fives and pats on the back, and his perverbial buttons were most likely popping off his shirt. He gets so excited when I am funny. This means I allow my husband to live a life of high excitment, because HELLO! I'm freakin funny.

Oops!

So what a week it's been! I am sad to say as parents Josh and I had our first angry bystander. Ummm this is kinda what went down. I'll let Josh say it... this is his excerpt from his myspace blog.

You gotta think!
A question for all you blog readers out there...Suppose you were in a fast food resteraunt and your baby needed a diaper change in the worst way, we're talking pee (no poop) soaking through clothes kind of way. (are you fully in a suppose mental state now?) You check the bathroom for a place to change said wet baby and nothing is available. No changing table or area to lay and change baby. Is changing the baby at your table a huge no-no? That's the question by the way. Not on the table mind you, but just hanging in mid air from one parents arms while the other attempts to de-diaper-i-fy baby as quickly and modestly as possible. Is this ok given the lack of other options, or has a cardinal sin of sanitation been violated. (you can come out of your suppose mental state now, thank you for participating)Well anyway, another patron in the place had the nerve to not just mumble under her breath at her husband about this parents lack of couth (spelling?) but the audacity to come over and rather rudely in my opinion proceed to lecture us about how unsanitary we were being. Now, granted, she had a point, I can see that, but under the circumstances with our lack of options and the dire need for a diaper change we did what I thought we had to do. And, as I stated before she was not laying on the table or anything like that. The lady actually used phrases like "that is SO unsanitary", and "don't you know you are embarassing your baby?", and my favorite that actually made me mad and had me cut her short and dismiss her somewhat more loudly and firmly than I my usual laid back self was, "You've got to think!". That one did it for me. Like I said, I could see her point and even admitted to her that she was right, it wasn't the most sanitary thing to be doing but when someone is rude and making a scene unecessarily, that's when I get a little hot and bothered.Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent and humbly ask as a first time dad if I have really just broken a public rule of sanitation. Thoughts?

So that was that....
Bailey is a roller now. Front to back and back to front. This is just as of a few days ago. Tried to get it on camera but memory card got full waiting for nothing to happen. As of today, she is grabbing things and putting them all in her mouth. She's a chewer and a sucker. Oh the little joys of progression from babydom to, whatever naturally comes next. We are in the process of getting internet in our home YAY!
Umm other than that, my sister was held up at gun point at the bank she works in yesterday. I can not imagine this scenario and how it would emotionally affect one. I also work in the same bank company and with so many robberies this becomes scary to me.

Speaking of scary and fear, Did you know that the number one most used command in the Bible is " Do not be afraid" or, "have no fear"? I learned this in my bible study Thursday night. This study about Esther is great. She had a great little acronym for the word "if". When we live by what ifs and if this happens and so forth the if can stand for "I FEAR". God asks us to share with him our fears and its not enough just to trust him that he will not allow these fearful things to happen to us. He says tell me your fears and let them not control you anymore. We can tell God our fears and we say if _______ happens then___________. And God says then what? how would you finish this statement? What is the worst case scenario? God wants us to face our fears by giving him the WORST CASE scenario and He will be God.... "If Josh were to die and leave me to raise our children alone" God asks "Then what?"

Me: "I would be devestated and shut down."
God: "Then what?"
Me: "I would probably skip some meals beacuse of anguish and be sick to my stomach"
God: "Then what?"
Me: "I would lock myself in a room for a while sobbing loudly."
God:" Then what?"
Me: "I would find myself flat on the ground screaming some "WHY?"s."
God: "Then what?"
Me:" I would end up with a Gods word falling all over the back of my head as I lay there, whispering to me His love."
God: "Then what?"
Me: "I would get up and get back to being a mom, being a leader, being whatever I needed to be. I would be hurting at times but I would get up. I would sing praises and worship God with all that's in me."

I am not exactly sure what would happen but I picture some of this being how it would go. God is saying "If Josh dies, then ME?" If_______ happens, then God.
As women we live with lots of fears, these can keep us from accomlishing our dreams. There is a quote that says " We may die a thousand deaths fearing the one" Let our fears be overtaken by confidence in the Lord. We were dead in our transgressions, we were dead when Chrsit saved us from the grave. Lets live as if already dead. Not meaning being foolish but without leting fears hold us back from being couragous and living out our destiny that Christ has set before us.
Interesting how I am typing this and the rich mullens song is playing in my right ear. "Hold me Jesus because i am shaking like a leaf. You have been king of my glory, won't you be my prince of peace." I love that!
Lets live with the peace and the courage of Christ to accomplish our daily tasks and to have victory in hard times, all to give glory to God.

I'm a rambler but it's on my heart and it's now on computer. I'll leave with that I suppose. If you're a reader, be encouraged. Love you!

The kick-off

At this point I should call myself the one handed blogger. It takes substantially longer to type with one hand but the lovely 3 mo. old is gnawing on my thumb and hers at the same time, all while telling some type of very detailed story i am sure. I can tell by her voice inflections that she is ver passinate about it. So my blog is begining, hopefully I can be fairly consistent and this account of my story will be fun and theraputic as well. The title insideout stems from the idea of God changing my life from th inside and it being evident on th outside as well. My transformation story is incomplete, it is on going. I'm learning a lot about transparency in life and I intend to practice that here just as well as in my marriage and my relationships with those I spend time with.
So I'm starting off today and this is where I am... My day has been a little hectic. One of our cars broke down yesterday so today it's in the shop. The estimate, outrageous. What do you do though when you know nothing about cars and you don't have a way to make the week work with only one vehicle. Bailey was screaming much of the afternoon, enought that made getting online at the club house impossible b/c seriously who wants to have the screaming baby while others are trying to get updated on their myspace lives. So I put her in the car and drove to Target, here I shopped my little brain out but only bought a few things, bottles for Bayster (Bailey's nickname from time to time, is it bad) and I got some things for Josh, Ipod accesories. Mostly to show him that I care about his hobbies. Music is his passion and I want to share that with him, so I got some headphone splitters and another set of buds.
I also bought the movie Music and Lyrics b/c Josh likes it. It's about music. It's got some deepness to parts of it as well.
We're struggling a little right now with some organization and we are trying to get things under control. I feel like we're far from "there" where is there? Anyway, We have no internet access at home, YET. Hopefully we're caving in this week but we're having to set some boundaries on time b/c time management is something that I don't do to well with. I am ready for the convienince but not the money... AHHHH got to go, I'm at my moms and she needs to do homework. Peace out, for the first time. BYe